Money Makers

I’ve been thinking a lot about a conversation my husband and I had the other day about, well, finances. This mostly stemmed from the fact that we had to fix a fifteen year old car that any normal person would have simply replaced. Rather than pay a mechanic over eight hundred dollars to replace a twenty five dollar rubber gasket, he did it himself over the course of eight days. Lower manifold gaskets are nothing to be scoffed at when a 1998 Chevy Blazer is involved. Holy Shitballs, Batman!

Anyway, we were talking about money, or, more accurately, our lack of money, and came to the conclusion that my job really isn’t going anywhere. I mean, I do love it, but there isn’t any money to be made as a receptionist in a veterinary clinic. That and I am pretty sure my friend (and boss) is planning to retire soon, though he would never admit it, so it would be a good time to start figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. Or, to be more specific, what I want to do that will actually generate funds in the short term, since I already know that my long-term goal is to be a fiction writer and children’s book author/illustrator.

Time to make a list of talents and skills:

1)      How can I make money being a sassy black woman? I mean, this takes mad skills. I don’t know why it is, but sassy black women love me. Perhaps it is because I must have been one in a past life. Yes, this must be it. It’s the only explanation that makes sense. One of my coworkers is pretty sure of this too.

2)      How can I make money being an animal? This takes skills as well. Talking animals? Even more skills. Seriously, whenever my dogs look at me, I make up their conversation out loud. This is no joke, you can ask my husband. They all have their own voices… even the chickens.

3)      How can I make money being a butcher? A baker? A candlestick maker? A water buffalo? A frog? A monkey?

And then it hit me; my husband has the equipment for doing voiceover work. Perhaps it is time I look into doing the same. I refuse to give up on writing, but as supplemental income with no startup costs and the ability to work from home during my spare time, I can’t think of a better option. 

The Day After

I am thankful for good friends. I’m also thankful for a cooked turkey in much less time than anticipated.

We Americans sure like to celebrate being gluttonous. After a day filled with more food than most of us eat in a week, many of us spend a ton of money on worthless crap because it is on sale. I mean, where else do people gather together and give thanks for friends and family and a few hour later push, shove, trample and do everything humanly possible to get that “great deal” advertised in the newspaper the day before? I don’t know about you, but I have only ever ventured out into the abyss known as Black Friday once in my life and that was because I had spent the night making music videos with my cousins (because that’s just what we used to do) and were all planning on leaving to go shopping with most of my aunts and grandma so I tagged along. It was a nightmare.

Then, just for arguments sake, I’ll take the other end of the spectrum and say that the day after Thanksgiving when you work retail, as I did for nine years, was crazy. I’ll have to admit that it was kind of fun watching a stampede in progress filled with some of the most ghetto people who couldn’t be bothered to dress in regular people clothes or do their hair racing towards you in a panicked frenzy to grab the latest Elmo or pick over pajama sets. Sometimes you just gotta know when to step aside and let the craziness happen. After all, most of these people hadn’t been to bed in days so they could save a couple bucks.

I’m not sure if it is because I’m already a bargain hunter to begin with or if the idea of being trapped with a bunch of strangers in a building where there are only one or two exits and the sheer amount of people well exceeds fire code and my claustrophobia might cause be to have a panic attack, but shopping on Black Friday doesn’t appeal to me. Especially since it is simply a day to get most big box retail stores out of the red, as in debt, and back into the black, as in profit. Alas, if I had the money, I’d do my shopping tomorrow instead on Small Business Saturday. I would feel much better spending money at a mom and pop shop then at an evil corporation made with evil parts for the sole purpose of committing evil.

Must Make Cake

A little piece of me dies every time I have to turn away a cake order because of a scheduling conflict. Okay, so this may be a bit of an exaggeration.

Since I have been working again, it is becoming more and more difficult to do cake orders. Working every Friday and most Saturdays doesn’t help matters, as those tend to be the most popular days people want cakes delivered. I mean, I had to take time off of work to do the last wedding cake I did, which meant that after deducting costs for supplies and the amount paid, I ended up losing money on the deal. Not so great for someone barely getting by.

I guess I need to figure out a way to tell people why my prices are the way they are. I suppose I could always ask people how much money I have to lose in order for them to feel like they’ve gotten a good deal because let’s be honest here, people who have money like nothing more than taking as much as they can from people who don’t, right? Hmm… maybe that’s too harsh. I could tell people if they can’t afford a custom cake to either learn to make it themselves or live with a mass produced, flotsam covered Crapmart cake would be a better approach? Eek! That doesn’t sound very nice either. Perhaps I could just be honest and say my prices are the way they are because they are a fair price for what I am selling.

If I am going to continue to make cakes, it has got to be profitable. Otherwise why would I bother spending my free time doing something for other people’s enjoyment when I could be quilting or writing or painting instead?

Gas or Family

Currently we are faced with a dilemma; go to a family reunion and let our checking account go negative on buying the gas to get there or stay home and hope we’ll be able to go next year. I hate making these choices.

After asking a coworker to swap a couple days at work to be able to go to the reunion, we decided to become a little more serious about an upcoming family reunion. However, as luck would have it, we simply won’t have the money to drive there and back. At least, not from our current funds in our bank account. That sucks. Especially since we also will have the boys that weekend and they’ll get to meet more of the family.

I suppose that we could always hope that my husband makes enough money at the garage sale today to possibly fund the part of the gas portion of the trip, as it would be doubtful to make the whole amount. But then again, that would be if we sold practically everything, and let’s be honest, how many do that during a garage sale?

Cake Dilemmas

I know my prices for cakes are outrageous, but when I say that an order for 300 cupcakes and a large cake shaped and decorated to look like a grand piano is going to be $350 and the person writes me a check for $70, how does one approach them? I mean, what etiquette do you follow to say, “Um, ma’am, you left off the first number?”

Herein lies the dilemma. I mostly make cakes for friends and family. Most cake ingredients are cheap. I do not use most cake ingredients. I use real butter, buttermilk, real vanilla, quality chocolate, heavy cream (no less than 40% milkfat, which isn’t cheap by any means)… in short, I use real ingredients which cost real money. In order to even make 300 cupcakes and a grand piano cake I couldn’t even purchase the ingredient list for the $70 she wrote the check for. Usually I insist on being paid after delivery, and told her so, but she insisted on paying me before. On top of it all, she’s a very dear friend from church, and I’m too poor to take that big of a hit and too chicken-shit to approach her about it.

Of course, I could always talk to her kids to find out what she was expecting to pay for this and perhaps work something else out, but here’s another issue… her son is my boss. Not that that should mean anything, but I’m still fairly new to the workplace and wouldn’t want to shatter the opportunity. Then again, I should be able to approach him and say, “Your mom tried to shortchange me by a few hundred dollars, what should I do about that?” Ugh. Dilemmas, dilemmas. Again, I’m chicken-shit.

Then I have to be honest with myself. Am I worth $350 for that much cake? What is the bare minimum I could charge? How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? Yes, that last question really did pop into my head. Kind of like when my husband says we need more time and I respond we have four different varieties of thyme out in the garden. I’m quirky like that and it annoys him to no end. The answer is yes, I am. You know why? Because people continue to ask me to make them cake because it is better than anything else they’ve had from a store or bakery. So in other words, my prices aren’t that outrageous, I just need to speak up more clearly or inform them that I’ll make up an estimate on an invoice instead.

And now that I look at the time, I have a meeting with somebody else from church about a wedding cake I need to get ready for. Perhaps I should take my own advice and show up with a couple of estimates on invoices to show the varying prices for what we might want to do. Crap. That means I actually have to plan.

Insufficient Funds

Nothing brings home the fact that being unemployed sucks big floppy donkey dicks like not having enough money to pay the bills. Hopefully one of the many positions I’ve applied for over the last couple weeks will at least get me an interview.

In November it will have been two years since I was let go from my previous job with The Most Evil Corporation in the World. I’m sure my mere calling it that isn’t helping my chances for future employment, assuming anyone besides you reads this blog, but the sheer fact is that when a company focuses purely on profit and away from the customers and associates who make that profit possible, it becomes a self-serving entity. However, this isn’t a rant about evil, it is a rant about money… or should I say the lack of it in our household.

It seems odd to me that while the cost of living increases, wages seem to decrease. Our current economic depression has made it possible for living wage jobs to suddenly become minimum wage part time jobs and have that be acceptable. Benefits? Health insurance? Paid time off? Those are so last millennium. The current job market is seeking qualified applicants with ten or more years of experience in [a certain field] with a bachelor’s degree (or higher) in [that field] for a part time position starting at $9 an hour. This would be funny if I didn’t take this directly from a local job listing.

Fortunately there are employment services offered by the government that work with employers to help people find jobs, but I’m afraid that with the current rate of over 14% unemployment in our county alone, the job pool to qualified applicant ratio is still a little skewed. I just hope that the optimistic news I received from the local state employment office actually holds true that I have an elevated chance of getting one of the positions I applied for through them.

In the meantime, with our bank account dwindling and the threat of foreclosure looming, I will try to keep a positive outlook on the situation. But I must admit, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.