My Cousin Brandi

My cousin Brandi needs money. This isn't to say that she is panhandling-on-the-street poor, but rather fourth-year-doctorate-needs-internship-application/interview funds. When I first saw her plea on CrowdFundEDU, I was initially reluctant to give. How much would I be able to give? I mean, what amount could I realistically offer on a barely above minimum wage salary? 

So I reread her plea, and saw the little PayPal button. PayPal. I have a PayPal account I use for my Etsy Shop, and I knew there was some money in it from recent sales. And so I immediately made my initial $25 donation. From there, I looked into where I could find more money I wouldn't miss, and didn't have to look any further. My Etsy Shop. From now until December fifteenth, I will be donating one hundred percent of the sales to her CrowdFund.

Please read her reason for going into the psychology field. Please donate if you can. Please feel free to buy an $8 puppet pattern with step by step instructions and over 120 color pictures knowing that $8 will be going to a good cause.

http://crowdfundedu.com/fundraiser/gradschoolproblems

http://etsy.com/shop/ModernMaleHomemaker

School

Do you ever have days where you feel like an absolute moron? I had one yesterday.

After months of thinking that there was still missing paperwork on my financial aid, albeit, getting an email from the Financial Aid Department saying such is probably what led me to believe it, even though I know I had turned in everything at least once, I found out what the problem was. Apparently they send you a debit card now, and when that debit card was returned by post office because we had just moved from that house into the one we are currently in, there was a holdup. A quick change of address online took care of that part, but today I am going to go down to the school to get the rest figured out and also decide what classes to take for winter quarter.

My initial thought was to finish my Associates in Arts Degree, but then I started thinking it might be a good idea to get a degree in something I can use to build my skills. This led me to ponder just what skills I’d like to acquire. Welding? Diesel Technology? Graphic Design? So many options and so many things that just aren’t me. Well, except for the Graphic Design one. I can see myself doing that. Actually, I can really see myself doing that. However, where can that degree take me career-wise? Perhaps it would be best to stick with my original plan. Or perhaps I need to talk with an advisor about what I had originally wanted to do the first time I went to college back in 1995… how to become a teacher.

Writing

When I was a kid I wanted to make books. Now that I’m adult not much has changed, except for the reality of the publishing industry.

I was asked recently what I wanted to do with my life and I couldn’t recount a single thing I wanted to do anymore. It was as if I’d given up, and honestly I don’t want to say that I’ve given up on any of my dreams. But on a serious note, the older I get the less those dreams have any gravity to keep them from floating off into the abyss. I thought by forcing myself to write every day it would encourage me to continue books I’ve started or rewrite books in desperate need of a final draft, but I can only count less than a handful of times I even opened up those files on the computer to start it up again only to close them because some other pressing matter needed attending to.

Then I thought I should go back to school and get a degree in something to get a job, but alas even those ventures seem fruitless. And it is as though the universe is trying to tell me to find another path with all the hoops I’ve been having to jump through just to get financial aid, which yet again still hasn’t gone through because they require the same documents I gave them the last two times I went to the financial aid office at the local community college, although to be fair they are different than the previous four documents I had taken down. Somehow I’m getting lost in the shuffle.

For now I should feel lucky I have a job, even if it is only part time and doesn’t pay the bills. For now I should feel lucky that I have a roof over my head, even if it is somebody else’s roof we are renting it from. For now I have a lot of thinking to do and perhaps need to plot out where I want the rest of my story to go.

Annoyed

Today is packed with stuff I need to get done and the place to do it is the new house. Naturally there would be a problem.

With all that is going on with the move and the busyness that is ensuing with all that entails, there isn’t much room for inconvenience. Especially when the inconvenience comes in the form of an email from the college I’m scheduled to start attending saying that, yet again, they need more information for my financial aid. Honestly, I filled out and turned in every possible piece of paperwork so I haven’t the slightest clue what they could be missing.

However, today is already busy with cable guy, carpet cleaners, natural gas, unpacking and assembling a pantry because we are moving into a house with less cabinets and drawers than our current house, something neither of us thought possible. Alas, it was an excuse to go to IKEA, where today while the random people will be doing their jobs I’ll attempt turning a wardrobe into said pantry. The plan should work, but if it doesn’t then it will either end up in the garage or the boys’s room. Hey, for $49.99 I couldn’t pass up the deal for that much extra storage space in a house severely lacking it.

I just hope I can focus on the task at hand and not dwell on the fact that this whole financial aid fiasco is really starting to piss me off. Actually it started to piss me off in February after the third attempt fell through because the deadline had passed before they informed me I needed to fill out another form for more information that was out of date because the deadline had already passed. I take that back, I wasn’t pissed, I was simply annoyed.

Going Back to School

Yesterday I applied for financial aid and also to a local community college. I’m both excited and scared at the same time.

It has been awhile since I was in school. 1996. Back then I had 45 college credits under my belt and was registered to go back for Fall quarter. It never happened. There were a variety of reasons, some financial (I had just moved out of my parents house) and some mental. School suddenly didn’t seem very important anymore when other responsibilities required money, like rent and bills and groceries, which meant I needed to be working more.

Funnily, rent and bills and groceries are still important, but my priorities need to shift from survival to living, and there is a difference. Surviving means simply getting by, most of the time barely, and usually with assistance. Living means just that. Doing stuff, going places, seeing things. It’s difficult to do that on a part time, minimum wage salary. But, what that part time job does provide is an opportunity to continue my education. Hell, even if this job was full time I’d be able to go to school full time as well, although it’d mostly be online, because I don’t have the stress associated with my previous employers which made me both physically and mentally tired.

So with that, I’m going back to school. I really don’t know what I’m going to do just yet, but I know that I will get my Associates Degree. Maybe during this process I’ll figure out whether to continue on to get my Bachelor’s and possibly Master’s. Maybe during this process I’ll figure out if I want to start my own business or be an asset to someone else’s. Maybe during this process I’ll figure out a little more about me.