The Robin and the Mirror

For the past few years we’ve had a robin that enjoys being on our cars. I wouldn’t have a problem so much if he would kindly move before pooping all over them.

I have a feeling that this particular robin really likes the way he looks. I mean really, really, really, really, really likes how sexy he thinks he is because every day he is out either on the mirror itself staring at his reflection in the window or on the narrow ledge of the window gawking at what he sees in the mirror. He also seems to have a preference for our driver’s side as the passenger mirrors and doors have minimal poo.

And yes, I’m pretty sure it’s a male robin. I can’t imagine a female bird or any animal of sorts in the animalverse that would stare at their own reflection for that long without worrying about cleaning the house, what to make for dinner and figure out how to protect her babies from hawks. Of course, this robin is probably gay and thinks he’s found a fellow gay robin to make beautiful music together with.

I mean, the sheer amount of poop this robin leaves is disgusting. He must perch there for hours at a time staring at himself and saying, “I’m so pretty! Look at me! Have you ever seen a prettier bird than I? Oh, of course not! That’s ridiculous!” I can never seem to get a picture of the bird himself perched on either of the cars, or our neighbor’s cars for that matter, but I can certainly show you what the car looks like one day after hosing and scrubbing off the damned bird’s feces.

Gross, huh? I mean, it’s sad when you pull up to the Home Depot surrounded by workhorse trucks and yours is the obvious outsider. I’m not sure how to stop this particular bird from using our cars as his personal playground, but I can’t wait for mating season to be over so he can stop checking himself out before cruising.