Blessing the Animals

This morning is our annual outdoor service at church for the Blessing of the Animals. I don’t know if I can trust any of our animals to be around, well, anyone or anything!

We’ve been trying to figure out which of our pets to bring to the Blessing of the Animals at church today, and so far every one of them has a con and only a few have a pro. While this significantly lowers the potential candidates, it doesn’t make the decision for us. I’d love to bring the ducks, but they are large and would require a larger cage. I also thought of getting harnesses to wrap around their chest and wings, but that seems like more work than it is worth, though walking a pair of ducks into the labyrinth would be quite the sight to see. Then there are the two chicks we got with the ducks that are now pullets and look like miniature versions of their adult selves. They would both fit into a cat carrier or the old ferret cage they were brooded in, but might be difficult to catch them both. We also have one of our hens who would be a good choice because of her calm demeanor. Alas, it may come down to that my husband and I are too involved in the service to bring any pets. We’ll see where the next half an hour takes us.

Where's the Cat?

This morning was awfully quiet. It took a minute, but I realized we were short an animal.

My morning routine as of late has included picking up Lucy, our Great Dane’s, shit off the living room carpet. She absolutely abhors the rain and refuses to be in it for more than a few seconds. The other night I tried to get her to poop outside for a half an hour before giving up and going to bed. My husband decided she was sleeping in our room that night. Coincidence she didn’t poop in the house or was this all part of her ploy to get exactly what she wanted in the first place? Methinks it is the latter.

Anyway, so I am normally greeted by two twirling, mewing and starving cats and the beating of a drum, also known as Lucy’s tail hitting the walls of the hallway. Instead I was alone. It was a nice change. Still, there was poop to clean up before feeding the four legged freeloaders, so it took a while before I noticed we were an animal short. I checked in all the usual hiding places, like the litter box, the window behind the blinds, underneath the couch, but alas couldn’t find him. And so I sat to enjoy my coffee.

Normally after eating, our older and bitchier cat, Tuesday, will lay down, either next to me or on her bed, but today she seemed restless. It was as if she was looking for something, or more accurately that other cat who eats her food and poops in her litter boxes. She walked away and didn’t return, so I followed her to the hall where she stared at the linen closet. Of course. Dexter, the other cat who eats her food and poops in her litter boxes, likes to run and jump into spaces we don’t necessarily want him to be. It’s part of his charm. Anyway, I opened the linen closet and out pops Dexter, bypassing me, getting hissed at by Tuesday, growled at by Lucy as he heads straight for a litter box. At least he’s really good about using that. I just wish this would teach him a lesson, but I know that it won’t and he’ll probably end up getting closed into the closet again later today.

Injuries

It’s no secret that on the job injuries occur where I work. Some animals are just batshit crazy!

So yesterday, as I was taking a cat out of his flimsy cardboard carrier the owner brought him in so I could get a weight before putting him in the surgery ward to be neutered, he bolted out biting and scratching both of my hands. Fortunately I had taken the precaution of closing off the doors in the exam room I was weighing him in. Unfortunately the cat proceeded to knock every picture frame off the walls. My coworkers thought I was having a violent epileptic seizure or something but I assured them not to open the doors. Actually I screamed, “Don’t open the doors if you value your life!” After finally capturing the cat with a towel over his head, I skipped the weigh in and quickly took him into surgery.

Let’s just say the exam room looked like a hurricane had just gone through it. I didn’t notice until later after I put all the pictures back on the walls and finished up the chart, along with writing on the cat’s cage card “USE CAUTION!!! BOLTS! BITES! SCRATCHES! EVIL!!!” (Okay, so I didn’t put the EVIL part on, but there was the temptation to do so. A very real temptation.) that there was blood splattered all over the walls. Of course, I was busy cleaning out my wounds with hydrogen peroxide and applying some topical ointment to help it heal. Anyway, the kennel person was diligently scrubbing the walls and I was kind enough to tell him he missed a few spots as I handed him one of the collage frames before filling out an accident report. I wasn’t going to because the wounds weren’t emergency room worthy or anything, but my coworkers told me to do so anyway… just in case.

So what is the lesson learned? When someone tells you their cat is the sweetest cuddle bug in the world, they’re lying. I can’t wait until they bring in this cat’s sister to be spayed. I’ll be sure to have one of the other people handle that. Of course, I should have known that this was going to be a peculiar situation, as one of their other cats, named Mamma Kitty who supposedly gave birth to their horde, has a penis.

Smells

With us having friends over for dinner tonight, it means we will need to clean. And make the house smell like anything other than what it currently smells like.

We have animals, and with them comes their peculiar odors. Between the cats and their cat smells and the smells that are associated with their litter boxes, and our dog with her dog smells and various skin allergies and all the smells associated with that, along with the fact that this carpet is ass-nasty and still has a funny smell after being professionally cleaned and deodorized, our house is full of randomly unpleasant smells. There is only so much Febreeze one can use on the soft surfaces.

And so now the dilemma is to locate the candles and various other nice smelling devices to counteract the not-so-nice smells that were probably hastily packed away without reference on the outside of the box as to what lies inside its cardboard compounds. Nice. Although this could work to our advantage as there shouldn’t be too many of those boxes left in the garage. Perhaps a quick peek will unveil the happy smells. I hope, anyway. Wish me luck.

Animal Blessings

Today is our annual Blessing of the Animals at church. I’m sure it’ll be an exciting adventure as usual.

With an outdoor service on our church’s labyrinth, the sounds of barking, meows and cock-a-doodle-doos are sure to ring throughout. Actually, the Blessing of the Animals is one of my favorite services, considering how lighthearted and fun the energy all of the furry, feathered and finned friends bring. Of course, the downside is that it typically falls on a Sunday where I am an usher. So it would appear that my husband will have to handle our dog, Lucy and the boys while I am performing my ushering duties. Considering it usually takes two of us just to handle the dog, methinks today will be filled with crazy fun. On top of that, I'm also presenting an award from the church to my boss for all of his volunteer work on behalf of the homeless pets.

Some people think we are crazy ourselves for having a service dedicated to the animals in our lives. But honestly, with as much of a part of our lives our pets are, why don’t more churches do this?

Zombie

Today I feel like a zombie. Except instead of brains I need coffee.

Today I woke up to a cat laying on my feet, a dog spooning with me and another cat giving me the stink-eye from the open bedroom door. Ugh. I overslept, and on top of that feel like I could sleep for hours and hours more. Alas, that is not in today’s forecast.

So I groggily make my way to feed the cats and the dog and proceed to make coffee. Note to self: The coffee maker works much faster when you also put water in the reservoir instead of just grounds in the basket. I realized this about twenty minutes later when I was trying to figure out why the coffee wasn’t ready yet. Why is life so cruel that when you need the elixir of life the most you are unable to function on a level to produce it? Curses!

And so while today I was hoping to be able to patch the rest of the holes in the walls and start taping and prepping for paint this weekend, I’m afraid that my zombie-like state will thwart much progress. However, I can always hope that the coffee that finally did manage to make it into the carafe after all the right elements were in place does its duty and wakes me the hell up. If not, those are going to be some messy patches I’m filling today!

The Animals

This morning it seems the animals are all much needier than usual. What’s that all about?

I have a morning routine, which, with the addition of Dexter has meant another quirk to fit in. Wake up, make coffee, give Lucy her pills before feeding her, feed the cats who will only eat separately and not the food they’re given because Tuesday is a bitch and Dexter is a stubborn little bastard, feed the fish, let the dog out to go potty, take out the compost bowl to the composter, let the chickens out if it isn’t raining too much, collect eggs, let the dog back in, turn on the bathtub faucet for Dexter to drink out of since he refuses to drink from a bowl, forget to turn the water off. Every once in a while, like today, they all seem to want me to give them complete, undivided, individual attention… even the chickens. Of course, I wonder if they think something is going to happen to them soon since the neighbor’s chickens all disappeared a couple days ago. Then again, they are going to be rehomed within the month, so perhaps their concerns are warranted.

The dog and cats on the other hand all seem to be vying for me to choose which one of them I love the most or something. Our normally bitchy Tuesday is all cuddly and purring, something I don’t think she’s done since the nineties. Stubborn Dexter, who is already playful and cuddly, has actually ventured into the living room to rub against my leg, walking back and forth like the cats in cartoons do when they want affection. Lazy Lucy kept giving me kisses and wanting me to keep petting her when normally after breakfast she just goes back to nap for a few hours or until dinner. Crazy chickens followed me and were all submissive and wanting me to pet them too, even the Mean Girls and one of the Wild Girls (Harmony is still skittish, so not her.)

I often wonder if it’s true that animals have a sixth sense about the future. If so, I hope their love and affection they all seem to be showering upon me this morning is a good sign and not some apocalyptic warning. Either way, I love them all and am going to miss the chickens when we have to move and they have to go live on a farm and get used to the fact that the roosters will have their way with them once again.