Harry Potter Birthday Party

Not many thirty-six year old men want a Harry Potter themed birthday party. Then again, I am not like most thirty-six year old men.

It was a week before my birthday, and after my husband had asked me for like the thousandth time what I wanted to do for it, I finally blurted out half-jokingly (and in a British accent no less), “A Harry Potter Birthday Party!” He looked at me and asked, “Are you serious?” and it was then that I knew that was exactly what I wanted to do. Enter Pinterest and Google, with their vast resources.

I managed to somehow not take so many pictures, however, which is kind of sad because I most certainly could have taken more, but I was quite intent on having a fantastic time. I didn’t even take a picture of the Butterbeer, which, by the way, was AMAZING! Hmmm… perhaps I should sneak into the kitchen and fix myself another one. You know, for archival sake.

There, that’s better.

Now, the most challenging part was making everything for the party. I made labels for candies for Honeydukes (and procured and filled mason jars with said candies), signs for various shops and classes, house crests, and a picture taking area for guests inside a wanted poster. I made all the food for the party, including roasted chicken drumsticks, ham sandwiches, cucumber tea sandwiches, pumpkin pasties (seriously delicious!), pub-style meatballs, caramel apples, a replica of Harry’s eleventh birthday cake Hagrid made him, along with stuff for Herbology class, like baby carrots, broccoli, miniature heirloom tomatoes, quartered dill pickles, olives, blue corn chips and various dips. I even made a Mandrake plant using basil and ginger root, to which I carved out a little face in. I also had a very well stocked beverage station for Potions class. Lots of stuff, which required lots of preparation to complete, but I wanted the party to be amazing, so alas, I suffered through it all.

Now, while this was mostly going to be an adult party, there were going to be kids. I was unaware there would be nine of them, however. Luckily I had already planned out (well, as planned out as I actually do, anyway) a Horcrux Search game. When I saw the kiddos were at there most sugar-high selves, I decided it was indeed time to find all eight of the horcruxes. Now many of you purists out there would shout that there were only seven horcruxes, but I assure you, Professor Quirrell was a horcrux, albeit a temporary one according to J.K. Rowling. I decided to be Quirrell for the party, but my cloak was in the way after about five minutes of wearing it, so I ditched it. I gave out clues as to where to find the next horcrux and had the kids guess where it might be based off of my clues. I tried to hide them as close to places where they were hidden in the books, like Ginny found Tom Riddle’s diary in the bathroom, so I hid my version of the diary in the bathroom with the ghost of Moaning Myrtle on the mirror pointing the way to find it.

I also had a wand making area in the spare room so the kids had an activity to do that didn’t involve us adults. I figured washable markers and wooden dowels wouldn’t do much harm. I figured wrong. Washable markers do not actually soak into the wood, and therefore end up on everything from hands to walls to counters to carpets to tables and everything they come into contact with, further proof that washable markers are a governmental conspiracy to get us to wash stuff more often.

For the Potions class, I had a sheet of various Potter-related drinks inside a plastic sheet protector on the table for people to mix their own drinks. Of course, in all the chaos to get everything ready before guests arrived, I didn’t have time to test out any of them… not even the Butterbeer! Fortunately this is where Pinterest did not fail me, as these were apparently tried and true recipes. Both the alcoholic and nonalcoholic versions of the Butterbeer were delicious, using either butterscotch schnapps or butterscotch syrup respectively and mixing with cream soda topped with whipped cream gently stirred to create the signature foam. I seriously cannot get enough of this super-sweet and indulgent drink that I’m certain contains more calories than a fast food meal!

Now that I’ve had my party, I can’t wait to help plan my second cousin’s eleventh birthday party which, after coming to my party, also wants to do a Harry Potter themed birthday party as well. The only takeaway I’ll have is to perhaps not try to do it all on my own. However, at the same time, I wanted people to just come and enjoy and not have to do anything in return.

Things I would do differently are not use washable markers but perhaps, instead, they can make wands using wooden dowels, hot glue, beads, and acrylic paint like I was originally planning. I also would put the house crests onto fabric banners, double the amount of Pumpkin Pasties (I only made one batch), and make smaller food identifier cards for the food table.

Food

Do you ever stop to think about where your food comes from? If not, why?

Last night after work my husband and I watched the movie Food, Inc. with our pastor’s wife for an upcoming adult education session they were preparing for church. We’ve seen it before, but it seemed like we all discovered something about ourselves while watching the film again. For me part of it is that while I like to be informed and prefer to eat natural and not chemically engineered foods, it isn’t going to necessarily stop me from having a Coke every now and then, even though our United States variety is sweetened with high fructose corn syrup, an ingredient you can’t buy on the shelves but is in practically every packaged food.

I’m not an advocate for going one-hundred percent all organic or anything, but a few things I don’t understand are how we’ve allowed our food supply to be taken over by multinational corporations. So many of the seeds farmers grow are made and patented by the same company that created Roundup. Seed saving, a common practice among farmers in decades past, is now threatened by lawsuits for patent infringement, even with farmers who didn’t plant those seeds but instead had seeds migrate over from neighboring farms. Personally I buy heirloom seeds when I can and won’t purchase anything from Monsanto. Well, anything except Roundup. Actually, I haven’t bought Roundup in six years, but the bottle of concentrated stuff I have still works.

We decided years ago to be just a little bit more self-sustaining. I mean, I’m not plowing the entire yard and planting wheat or anything radical like that, but we did get chickens for eggs and have a small raised vegetable garden. Of course, if we had more land, I’d love to have a fully working farm. I’d want a couple goats and cows as well, for milk to make cheese and butter and for drinking as well as field mowing. I’d probably plant more vegetables that can be canned or frozen for later consumption in the winter and early spring months. But if I had to fend for myself, I’m afraid I’d become an instant grain-free vegetarian.

Next time you are in the grocery store, make a conscious effort to find out where your food comes from. Better yet if you are unable to grow the food yourself, shop at local farmers markets or go to the farms and buy directly from them.

Poor Puppy Parents

April fourteenth was our dog Lucy’s birthday. We completely forgot to celebrate.

Last Saturday was, well, very busy. My husband was away at Ridgefield High School’s spring musical rehearsal pretty much the entire day and I worked and came home, finished up cupcakes and left to go deliver them and watch the last run through of the play. Basically her birthday was her being ignored the entire day. I feel like crap.

But is it too late? Never! Today I’m planning on making her dinner to last the week of fish, potatoes, carrots, peas and blueberries, all some of her favorite things. Hopefully she won’t notice that we are celebrating a week late, but something tells me with how much attention she was begging for last week that she knows we forgot it. [guilt]

Expectations

When faced with a dilemma of multiple appearances with gifts and food items in tow, a lack of funds can be a hindrance. A little creativity might be just what the doctor ordered.

I work for an extremely generous boss. The guy puts in as much volunteering time as he does work. Before working at the veterinary clinic I knew that he did a lot of volunteer work with the homeless and Heifer International, but I didn’t realize just how many hours or how much money he donated to these various organizations he’s involved with. We also go to the same church and he seems to always be busy with something there as well.

So you can imagine the dilemma we at work are facing this Sunday for our Christmas Party on exactly what to get him. However, we have a plan and figured if we all go in together on something it would have a better impact. Group gifts make a lot of sense when you don’t have enough money on your own to get something meaningful. If a group gift is not an option, something homemade might be in order. Don’t try to overdo it with something ultra fancy that will consume your every waking hour, just make something that makes sense for the recipient. A couple potholders for a cook, a coffee cozy for a latte lover or an ornament for just about anyone else you can’t come up with a personalized gift are all simple yet personal gifts that you can make.

As for food, apply the same rules. With all the busyness of the holiday season it is easy to get overwhelmed by the sheer amount of get-togethers you may be invited to or having yourself. Make ahead side dishes and finger foods are the easiest route to take. That way when you have a little free time you can assemble the dishes so they are ready when you need them. Take the stress out of the holiday season and don’t let your perception of somebody else’s expectations drive you. We can’t all be Martha Stewart, but we can take a cue from Sandra Lee. As long as it isn’t a Kwanzaa Cake!

The Day After

I am thankful for good friends. I’m also thankful for a cooked turkey in much less time than anticipated.

We Americans sure like to celebrate being gluttonous. After a day filled with more food than most of us eat in a week, many of us spend a ton of money on worthless crap because it is on sale. I mean, where else do people gather together and give thanks for friends and family and a few hour later push, shove, trample and do everything humanly possible to get that “great deal” advertised in the newspaper the day before? I don’t know about you, but I have only ever ventured out into the abyss known as Black Friday once in my life and that was because I had spent the night making music videos with my cousins (because that’s just what we used to do) and were all planning on leaving to go shopping with most of my aunts and grandma so I tagged along. It was a nightmare.

Then, just for arguments sake, I’ll take the other end of the spectrum and say that the day after Thanksgiving when you work retail, as I did for nine years, was crazy. I’ll have to admit that it was kind of fun watching a stampede in progress filled with some of the most ghetto people who couldn’t be bothered to dress in regular people clothes or do their hair racing towards you in a panicked frenzy to grab the latest Elmo or pick over pajama sets. Sometimes you just gotta know when to step aside and let the craziness happen. After all, most of these people hadn’t been to bed in days so they could save a couple bucks.

I’m not sure if it is because I’m already a bargain hunter to begin with or if the idea of being trapped with a bunch of strangers in a building where there are only one or two exits and the sheer amount of people well exceeds fire code and my claustrophobia might cause be to have a panic attack, but shopping on Black Friday doesn’t appeal to me. Especially since it is simply a day to get most big box retail stores out of the red, as in debt, and back into the black, as in profit. Alas, if I had the money, I’d do my shopping tomorrow instead on Small Business Saturday. I would feel much better spending money at a mom and pop shop then at an evil corporation made with evil parts for the sole purpose of committing evil.

Thanksgiving Checklist

It’s always a good idea to plan ahead. Especially when food and company are involved.

With Thanksgiving coming up in just a few short days, I’ve decided to make a checklist to make sure everything is in place and ready to go when the big day comes. Last thing anyone wants is the realization that their turkey is still frozen and solid as a rock when it needs to be in the oven baking. It is also wise to know what your guests are planning on bringing as well so duplicates aren’t overbearing. Although admittedly, I don’t mind duplicate dishes in large gatherings of twenty or more people, but with a small group of ten or less a little variety is welcome.

So today, five days before, and a day or two longer than suggested, I’m taking out my turkey from the freezer and putting it into the fridge. The nice thing about having a fridge out in the garage is having the extra space to do this. Last year was a bitch and the bird was still frozen in the center after four days of her taking up a large portion of the only refrigerator we had. Perk one of moving. The downside is not having a dining room, so kitchen Thanksgiving dinner it will have to be.

I also like to make sure that I’ve got all my provisions ready for the sides. Yukon gold potatoes, heavy cream, butter and garlic for the mashed potatoes; stock, cornstarch and sage for the gravy; sausage, apples, onions and stock for the stuffing; cranberries, oranges, cinnamon and cardamom for the cranberry sauce… CRAP! I still need cranberries! Our guests are bringing green bean casserole and dessert, but I’m still tempted to make a pumpkin pie too. Or an apple pie. Maybe I’m just craving pie right now because it is so cold and wet outside. I’m also tempted to get some baby shrimp for my husband’s shrimp salad, another surprisingly festive addition to a holiday meal. Of course, with so much starch in the meal as it is, any green salad would be welcome.

Lastly is drinks. I’ve got three bottles of red wines, a cabernet sauvignon (okay, half a bottle), a merlot and mixed red, both from Rex Goliath or as I like to call it, the Forty-Seven Pound Cock since there is a picture of a forty-seven pound rooster named Rex Goliath on the label. While I’ve always loved Rex Goliath’s Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon, their Free Range Red is deliciously smooth and goes well with a variety of foods. I’m not much of a white wine drinker, but we do have an unopened bottle of Riesling in the fridge leftover from something. Coffee, milk and filtered water should also be on hand too.

So, from my checklist, the only thing I have left unchecked is cranberries because when I went grocery shopping Tuesday the store didn’t have any. I think that is a crime. But, alas, another grocery store in the area has them so I suppose I’ll just have to pick them up this Tuesday when I gather final provisions. And decide whether or not to also make cornbread stuffing and rolls too.

Coffee or Potluck

When life makes you choose between necessities and frivolities, sometimes the lines get blurred. Especially when coffee is involved.

While at Costco the other day acquiring supplies for my famous macaroni and cheese, I realized I was also low on coffee. Suddenly the cost dilemma came into play. If I were to buy the coffee, we would severely diminish our food money for the month, but if I didn’t everyone around me would be severely punished. What is one to do? I took the high road and we left without it. My reasoning? I was fairly certain I still had some left that I hadn’t transferred from the bag to the container next to the coffee maker. I was wrong.

In the short term this is a good thing as everyone at the potluck yesterday raved over my macaroni and cheese because it really is that good. Seriously. I mean like, “Damn! Who made that macaroni and cheese? It was the best!” good. I’m not bragging or anything, but I do know how to cook. In the not so long term, however, this could turn disastrous once I run out of the precious elixir of life and have to resort to (GASP!) Folgers at work.

http://modernmalehomemaker.blogspot.com/search?q=macaroni+and+cheese

Leftovers

Leftovers are great. Assuming you can use them.

It seems that we always have leftovers from dinners or large lunches, but rarely enough for both of us to eat another meal out of them. What I’ve found is that by thinking outside the box, a small amount of leftovers can become a completely different meal by adding a few other ingredients. I’m sure you all have your own tricks to stretching your grocery bill, but here are a few of mine.

Spaghetti is a main staple in our house, not just because it is easy to make but because it is relatively inexpensive. Typically I only use half a box of noodles, which means when two adults eat a meal there is usually enough for a little more than one person to have leftovers. However, add a can of chili, a little sour cream and some shredded cheddar and parmesan cheese, bake until bubbly and you’ve got Chilighetti. It may seem odd to combine those particular flavors together, but the results are delicious.

Fajitas are another main dinner in our household for the same reasons as spaghetti. Now sometimes we are so hungry there aren’t any leftovers, but most of the time there are enough to turn into another meal. Fortunately the ingredients I use, chicken, red bell pepper, onions, garlic and jalapeños, work well in a variety of dishes in the Tex-Mex menu options. For this reason it is easy to work the filling into quesadillas or with the addition of either refried or black beans into a topping for nachos. However, one of my favorite uses is for Black Bean Soup. I cheat and buy a large box of black bean soup and heat it along with the leftover fajitas and a can of black beans for substance. Topped with sour cream and sliced green onions and you’ve got a delicious and filling soup.

Pulled pork is another dish that is relatively easy to make in a crock pot, but can be utilized for a plethora of other dishes. I cook mine for thirty-two hours in a special blend of spices I create and rub the pork with before cooking. But aside from pulled pork sandwiches with coleslaw, the meat can be used for enchiladas when combined with black beans and my homemade enchilada sauce, wrapped in tortillas, covered in cheese and baked until bubbly. Other uses are tacos, burritos, pretty much any dish that you’d use shredded beef or chicken you can use pulled pork for. It also works eaten cold in salads.

Of course there are plenty of other ways to make a small main course work again, either by adding an extra vegetable dish or two and some bread. We typically eat a lot of salad with our meals, especially in the summer, but canned or frozen veggies will work in a pinch, and we always have those on hand. We almost always have bread of some sort in the house, but English muffins make great cheesy garlic bread.

Alas, the best way to utilize leftovers in new ways is to plan ahead. I typically plan three meals a week when grocery shopping and use the leftovers for the remaining days. While this doesn’t always work out as planned, I make sure I’ve got substitute meals on hand just in case… like a box of macaroni and cheese with half a pound of chopped broccoli.

Tips I've Learned

When it comes to preparing a Thanksgiving Feast, the best advice I can give you is to not take on the challenge alone. Unless, of course, you’ll be alone.

Preparing a big meal for a large family get together or close friends you consider family can be a huge undertaking. Growing up we never had one person who was in charge of everything, we were all expected to bring something to the table potluck style. Of course, there wasn’t a randomness as you’d expect from a potluck, but rather one person was in charge of contacting everyone and informing them of their options of what they should bring. This eliminated too many duplicates, but also made it easier for the person bringing the dish to know what they were expected to bring rather than freaking out at the last minute trying to prepare a dish. So if you want Aunt Martha’s Green Bean Casserole, tell her to bring it rather than trying to make it yourself (and no, I don’t actually have an Aunt Martha. Well, I might. I don’t know. My family breeds like rabbits.)

The host should be responsible for the turkey. I’m not saying this out of malice for anyone else who might be inclined to bring the bird, but out of practicality. Then again, in my family, the host was responsible for one of the three turkeys. Anyways, transporting turkeys, with all those lovely juices and drippings, can be quite the messy ordeal. However, if you are the host and you prefer someone else to take on the turkey task, then by all means, delegate. Hell, you could probably delegate the entire meal out if you do it right which leaves you with just cleaning the house and setting the table. Hmmm…

Don’t overdo it. Seriously, why take extra time out of an already hectic day to make a ton of cute little appetizers to snack on before dinner (unless those happen to be deviled eggs, which sadly, I’m not making this year) when you’ve already got a ton more dishes to make? Get yourself a meat and cheese tray and a veggie tray and call it good. Save your energy for the side dishes. Personally I tend to take on more than I should, but only because I’m a control freak and want to make sure all of my bases are covered as well as have a backup plan in case anyone flakes out on their duties. Not that I’m expecting anyone to flake out (lies, all lies) but it does make sense to have a few things on hand in case your guests decide to bring guests, which I swear would never happen in my family (again, lies, all lies!)

Keep it simple. Don’t spend all day in the kitchen. Enjoy the company of your guests. And above all, remember to have fun. And yes, wine helps.

Onions

If you are growing onions in your garden, you know the joy of seeing those beautiful spherical flowers adorning the tops signaling the end of their lifecycle. If not, I’m sorry.

Currently my onions are in between stages right now where there are still a few flower stalks that haven’t fallen over to dry, but for the most part both our yellow and red onions we planted earlier this spring are ready for harvesting. The best thing about onions and pretty much most alliums for that matter is that they can be harvested and eaten at any stage. But if you plan on storing them, you’ll need to do a little prep work.

That thin, papery skin you see on the onions in the store develop from a process of drying them in the sun for a few weeks. This is easily accomplished by trampling down the flower stalks and leaves to the ground or simply cutting them off about six to eight inches from the top of the onion itself. This part will shrink and the outside will develop a few more layers of paper to protect the delicate vegetable inside for months in a cool, dark place. I leave most of mine in the ground, although some do find themselves toppled over, and do not water them during this time.

While it is said that an onion can only be kept at room temperature for a few weeks, I’ve had some for months before they showed signs of decay. Cool, dry air seems to preserve them better than hot, humid air, and depending on where you live will determine your shelf life, and any cut onion should be stored in the fridge. I keep mine in Ziploc bags to prevent any odor absorption. Green onions and leeks should also be stored in the fridge, but I’ve noticed they stay fresher longer if I keep a barely moist paper towel wrapped around the base and keep them in plastic bags as well. I’ve also noticed using this method that you can get a couple extra growths of green onions if you only cut most of them off and put them back into the fridge, as they will grow new shoots.

I know some people just don’t like onions, and I feel sad for them because the onion is so incredibly versatile and used in nearly every cuisine the world over. Caramelized onions on a burger or baked chicken; crisp red onions on a sandwich; green onions added to a salad; chives and blossoms on a sour cream covered baked potato; Walla Walla sweets eaten like an apple; the humble onion has a way of making simple dish delectable.

Road Trip

Stopping for gas can be a great time to explore the area. Why not drive further into town and find a place to eat.

While driving to Wenatchee yesterday for my aunt’s wedding, we stopped in Goldendale, Washington to fill up our tank. We were both hungry so we decided to drive into downtown to check out what options we had. Unbeknownst to us, downtown Goldendale has a cute Main Street and a few eateries and pubs, but the place that caught our eye was on the street we drove down as we approached Main Street. And so we drove back to The Glass Onion.

The Glass Onion is a converted old house a couple blocks from Main Street. Owned by a husband and wife team, he is the cook and she is both hostess and a server. First impression of the menu produced pretty much what I expected, sandwiches and salads and a pasta dish or two. However, reading over the ingredient lists and the fact that they use as much fresh and local ingredients in their cooking as possible, as well as for their wine and beer list, I realized we might be in for a treat.

We each ordered a glass of iced tea, freshly brewed and organic at that, my partner ordered the turkey club and I ordered a steak and arugula sandwich. We both figured it would be deli sliced meats and weren’t expecting much and were okay with that. However, when the plates were brought out, they not only were plated beautifully and with a couple pickled peppers (and I really wish I had gone to the car to get the camera to take a picture because my words seem to be failing me) but the turkey breast was a large thick cut of turkey breast that was freshly grilled, and my steak was a whole steak also charcoal grilled to my medium-rare preference. And the bread they used was amazing.

After talking with the owner, who happened to be our server, we found out that the place had been open for two and a half years and the couple actually refurbished the old house themselves, turning it into the restaurant and gallery it is today. We also ordered dessert, which for the day they had a choice between a flourless chocolate torte and crème brulee and we opted to split the brulee. All I can say was that it was delicious, and that we devoured it quickly.

Had we decided to just stick to the highway after gassing up, we wouldn’t have discovered this place. Might I suggest that next time you arrive in a town to get gas while on a road trip that you take a little time to drive downtown and take a little walk or if you’re hungry find a place to eat. You never know what might be awaiting you.

Bacon

Is there anything that doesn’t taste better with bacon? Let me rephrase that: Is there anything food-wise that doesn’t taste better when bacon is added to it.

Hello, my name is Cory, and I’m a baconholic.

It is true that I love bacon and all the wonderfulness that bacon can impart upon the dishes it enhances. I also know that I am not alone in my love of bacon as I have been to people’s houses for breakfasts, lunches, dinners and barbecues and found bacon in a plethora of offerings, from deviled eggs and potato salad to pasta dishes and breakfast casseroles. Yes, bacon is truly a beautiful thing, releasing its salty punch to whatever dish a person can imagine. I’ve decided it’s time to make a cupcake utilizing the Power of Bacon.

As we all know, Elvis, The King of Rock n’ Roll, loved his peanut butter and banana sandwiches with bacon. Using this as my inspiration, I’m making some banana cupcakes with peanut butter frosting sprinkles with coarsely chopped thick-sliced bacon and taking them to a family barbecue today to test out on, well, family. Some people say that family members are the worst people to offer opinions, but I come from a very large and pretty honest family who are usually quite blunt. Trust me, I’ll know if they suck poop.

But more than that, my house will have the lovely aroma of bacon in the air as I fry up a few slices before church and allow them to cool before chopping and sprinkling it onto the freshly frosted cupcakes. Something about that smell brings back happy childhood memories. I don’t know why that is because we rarely ate bacon, but it must be because we had bacon in our lives on occasion those memories are so vivid.

Ode to Radishes

For first time gardeners and little kids alike, the simple radish is one of the easiest vegetables to grow. And when you plant something that is ready to harvest in about a month, it’s also good for the impatient too.

The taste of a young radish is, well, like something sweet with a little bit of a peppery attitude that continues to become more pronounced the older it gets. Ours have been harvestable for about a week now, but it wasn’t until last night that I finally pulled a bunch to slice and toss into a salad I was making with dinner. Of course I had to taste one of the slices as I was cutting, you know, for quality assurance, and the flavor was amazing, which meant that I had to consume the rest of the slices from that radish!

When I planted them, I did so with the intention of planting rows in between the three I originally put in, but as luck would have it almost every seed I planted sprouted and formed and are growing a little varied as it is. That is to say, some are ready to pluck and others are just baby versions about to fill out. We probably have two bunches that need to be pulled, and another seven or eight that will be ready next week, just in time to plant tomatoes!

So, what is one to do with radishes that are ready to be pulled before they split? There are options, one of which is to put them on your neighbor’s doorstep. Another is to take them to friends to enjoy. But, there is a third option I employed last year, which is to submerge the bulbs in water (not the greens) and keep it in the refrigerator. This will extend their life expectancy by nearly a couple weeks if you change out the water every few days. While in the fridge they will not grow anymore, unlike green onions that seem to be every growing if I leave them in there in the right conditions, which, if you are interested, is a moist paper towel wrapped around the base and roots inside an open plastic bag and kept in the vegetable crisper.

Ah, the ever faithful radish. Thank you for being one of the first offerings of the spring. Perhaps next week you will be joined by your lettuce friends you are sharing your box with and together will make delicious salads. But as for today, I think I’ll have to take a few of you for lunch, slice you up and put you on some Wheat Thins with a little Dee Creek Farm Chevre I picked up at the farmer’s market a couple weeks ago.

Avocados

I could eat avocados like apples. Well, maybe not like apples, as I wouldn’t eat the skin because it’s all hard and practically impenetrable, but, uh, whatever… so it isn’t a perfect comparison.

A ripe avocado has so many delicious qualities at the same time it can be difficult to describe all the flavor sensations. At once it is buttery, sweet, fruity, and has a smooth texture that seems to melt in your mouth. However, this window of opportunity to eat the perfectly ripe avocado is incredibly slim and if you wait too long that sweet buttery goodness turns into sulfuric rotten grossness, along with the possibility of those nasty roots swirling through the flesh. Of course, an under-ripe avocado has a toughness and gritty texture and a raw flavor that doesn’t seem to resemble any of the notes its riper version has, but more similarly a Granny Smith apple. Hey! I knew I’d be able to make an apple comparison here!!!

When selecting an avocado it shouldn’t be hard as a rock or squishy as all get out. Those are either way to unripe or overly ripe and will probably kill you. Look for ones that you can press your thumb into and it has a gentle give. Of course, even this could be a bad avocado, so if the give is right, go ahead and pluck out the little nub from where the stem was attached and if it is bright green and gives, it is perfect and should be snatched by you right away before somebody else grabs it. However, if you remove it and the color is a mucky dark olive greenish color, quickly set it down and keep looking. Unfortunately, this one is probably a day past its prime.

I’ve also found that where I buy avocados also has an effect on flavor, with the exception of last year. Usually Costco has the better variety of avocados in stock, however last summer I tried thrice to no avail… they all tasted unripe even when the got to the perfect squish stage. Low-end grocery stores can have surprises, like WinCo, but I’ve found that the ones at Trader Joe’s were much more consistently better. I’m just glad that the last couple bags I got at Costco have been perfect, and by perfect, I mean the stuff that dreams are made of. But to make avocados easily enjoyed by a crowd or just yourself and a bag of chips, you should make a batch of guacamole.

My usual recipe I came up with years ago has given way to a much tastier version with the same ingredients, just slightly different. I used to make guacamole with jarred jalapeños, powdered garlic and onion and salt. But, deciding to improve upon it, I tried a fresh version with fresh minced onion and garlic, chopped jalapeños (seeded) a pinch of salt and a squeeze of lime juice and what a difference that makes! Of course, it helps when the avocados are perfectly ripe too.

Guacamole

2 ripe Hass avocados
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons onion, minced
1 jalapeño, finely chopped
pinch of salt
squeeze of lime juice

In a medium bowl, throw in a pinch of salt and squeeze of lime, add the garlic, onion and jalapeño. Slice the avocados in half and remove the pits, reserving one pit, then remove flesh from the avocados into the bowl and mash with a fork until it is chunky-smooth. I find it easier to quarter the avocados then slice through the flesh in multiple areas without cutting through the skin to make perfectly diced pieces which mash quite a bit faster. Stir to combine, throw the reserved pit back into the middle to keep the guacamole from going bad for hours and enjoy with your favorite tortilla chips!

Easter Traditions

Sometimes having a tradition is a good thing. Then again, sometimes when traditions come to a complete halt and things get rattled irreparably it can also be a good thing.

Easter used to be like Christmas for my family. It was huge and smothered with traditions as old as, well, I can remember. The main difference between Christmas and Easter was that Easter had a heck of a lot more food, and presents were replaced with Easter Eggs. Hundreds upon hundreds of Easter Eggs. This is no exaggeration either, as it was also tradition for the older kids to fill and hide said eggs when they reached a certain age. Of course, this also meant we had to be guides for the younger kids to help them locate the eggs during the massive ordeal known as The Great Easter Egg Hunt. And heaven forbid we forgot to count how many eggs we hid, which usually meant we were out searching for any strays while the children were busy opening the eggs and surveying their plunder!

But the most traditional thing about Easter was the food arrangements. It always seemed like if you brought something and people liked it, you were stuck bringing that something forever and ever… and ever. For me, that was my deviled eggs. I made them one year for the simple fact that they always seemed to be the first things to go off the appetizer table, and with such a big family, we should have enough for everyone to eat half a dozen or so. That is only three eggs, so it’s not really as much as it sounds like, but the average person probably will consume two, and my family is anything but average. Of course, doesn’t everyone say that, so really, we probably are all average, right? Anyway, so I brought ten dozen deviled eggs (which is five dozen whole eggs if you did your math) and my Aunt Bobi-Jo brought her couple dozen as well, and, well, they were all consumed. But we both made our deviled eggs differently, so for a couple years we both brought them for Easter, but somehow I was conned into making them for Thanksgiving as well. I had to draw the line there before it encroached up Christmas Eve, Fourth of July and Yom Kippur.

This went on for years until I noticed that there were leftovers one year and was shocked. Had we actually plateaued on deviled eggs? Did this mean I could get by with maybe only making eight or nine dozen next time? Well, after my grandma passed away, it seemed like keeping traditions alive was, well, not a priority, and eventually the holidays became less attended, or in some cases ceased altogether. We hosted Easter at our small house a couple years for the few people in our family who were interested, and that was, uh, interesting to see just how many people can fit into the house with tables randomly placed to eat at. I know we’ve held birthday parties and have been known to reach the forty-two persons mark on a rainy fall day, so hosting for seventeen should have been easy, but it was cramped due to the table arrangements. But at least there were deviled eggs to keep everyone happy!

Sometimes I long for the days of big family get-togethers, along with all the craziness that goes with it. Sometimes I miss having those elaborate Easter Egg hunts, both finding and hiding the mountain of plastic eggs that were reused and replenished year after year. Sometimes I miss making ten dozen deviled eggs, boiling and peeling for hours upon countless hours… okay, I don’t really miss that part. But you know, sometimes you have to look at what you have now and appreciate it for what it is, and not look back at what once was and wonder why things had to change.

Butter

My love affair with butter began at an early age, but then the artificially flavored butter-like food products quickly became the norm. I’m bringing butter back.

Okay, so maybe if I was Justin Timberlake, I could make that sound cool, but I’m not and won’t even try to convince any of you who may have an aversion to the deliciousness that is butter. While my preference for cooking and baking is unsalted, my partner’s mother prefers the salted kind and has always got some in a butter dish next to the stove. But then again, she uses it for everything from toast to cookies and does not even have any type of margarine in the house. I haven’t gone that far, but mostly because I’ve found a substitute for margarine that actually tastes good, Bummel & Brown Made With Natural Yogurt. I’d never use it for baking, but for buttering toast and a nice whole wheat English muffin, it’s delicious. However, I sometimes wonder if my partner’s mother is on to something. After all, she is a nurse, and an RN at that, so she probably knows a thing or two about healthy eating.

For cooking and baking, I mostly have three fats I use; canola oil, extra virgin olive oil and butter. Shortenings have their place in the kitchen, but are rarely used in mine unless either requested for a cake order for dietary reasons or trial and error has informed me that shortening works better for that particular recipe (“Curse you, Gingersnap!”) But my preferred fat for baking and desserts in general is butter. Canola is great when you need the fat, but don’t want it to impart any flavor to the party. Extra Virgin olive oil is perfect for adding a fruitiness and light flavor background to just about everything it goes into, whether it be a quick stir fry or cakes and cookies, and is the most used oil in our household by far. But butter is used for the gentle flavor it conveys, which enhances both the savory and the sweet. You’ll notice my three fat choices each are single ingredient options; canola oil is made from rapeseed, olive oil from olives, and butter from cream. Go read the ingredients on your margarine and shortening and tell me if you even know what half of the ingredients are.

I use butter a lot for baking, as adding dairy for all the fat and liquid to a cake will yield a homemade taste even from a box mix, although completely from scratch will eliminate ingredients that require a Doctorate in Biochemistry to decipher. I couldn’t imagine trying to use margarine to make my chocolate chip cookies, but I’m sure it would knock a day or two off the time it takes to create them. And yes, my chocolate chip cookie recipe requires three days, but they are delicious and well worth the wait. And no, you will never, ever have it as I plan on taking it to the grave with me… or bequeathing it to my godson Elijah.

Butter is also able to be enjoyed by lactose intolerant people because it has such an extremely low amount of lactose in it, but those with milk allergies should avoid it, as it is made from milk and contains enough proteins that cause those allergies to flare up. And recent research has led some nutritionists to reevaluate the stigma attached to butter because of the saturated fat content it has, especially in this age of trans-fat awareness, of which butter contains none. Those trans-fats, found mostly in margarines and shortenings, long used as butter substitutes, are responsible for a lot of the heart disease we see today, whereas the fatty acids present in butter actually can prevent disease in the first place. I’m not telling you to go out and devour entire sticks of butter as part of your daily health regimen, but to consider that it is a better alternative to artificially flavored butter-like food products… unless, of course, you have an allergic reaction to milk.

Packing Lunches

I’ll admit it; I’ve gotten a bit out of the habit of packing my partner’s lunches. However, I did this morning, so that makes up for the last several months, right?

Packing a lunch for your partner or the kiddos before they are off to work and school is one of those iconic homemaker duties that my brain always conjures up when I think “homemaker.” Sometimes January Jones’s character Betsy, from the TV show Mad Men, decked out in a chiffon nightgown with a cigarette and cup of coffee in one hand while she makes sandwiches with her free one pops up, but that could just be because we recently Netflixed the first couple seasons. Most of the time it is the traditional perky 50s era housewife who magically had the time to not only pack all the lunches for her husband and three kids, but managed to make a five course breakfast as well, and all without making a mess in the kitchen or getting anything on her apron. I don’t look like either of these, dressed in flannel pajama bottoms with whatever T-shirt I wore the day before and my hair sticking up in every direction, mumbling incoherently to the various four-legged creatures that yes, yes, I will feed them before my throat realizes I am awake and I go into a coughing fit for the next hour as if trying to exorcise a demon or I am Gollum from The Lord of the Rings.

“No, no! Too sexy! Tooooo sexxxxxyyy!!!”

Anyway, so it got me thinking, what is it about packing a lunch that makes it such an iconic image for me? And then it hit me; food. Breakfast and dinner are made at home, and to complete the day’s meals, the homemaker packs a lunch. But how does one make that lunch seem special, like a home-cooked meal does? Or, does one even try? I racked my brain and decided that, well, sometimes a sack lunch is just a sack lunch. But, sometimes, it is fun to pack a little something extra, like a little note that says, “I love you!” or a cookie, or maybe a clue as to what to anticipate when they get home. It doesn’t have to be all the time, but a few times a year will satisfy both your need to be nurturing, and their needs to be nurtured.