Patterns

Some people are great at simply using a sewing pattern for, say, a vest and churning one out in a cinch. Then there is me.

My husband is a clown. No, seriously. Besides being a teacher he is also an actual, honest to God clown. He went to clown school as part of the Rose Festival in Portland last year and was in one of the parades and everything. And no, Portlandia was not joking about that being a part of Portland culture because it is real. Very real. Anyway, he needed a vest so we went to Fabric Depot to pick out fabric. I’ll skip the boring details of him being so overwhelmed minutes after we walked into the store and wanting to leave because of the sheer amount of fabric and not knowing anything about any of it, but we found some perfect fabric (while I was in the quilting section, of course) and then searched for a pattern to use.

To say that I am pattern inept would, well, be pretty accurate. They’re usually overly complicated with overly simplified instructions and when you can only get the pattern you want in a package that comes with four other patterns, overly expensive. Maybe I’m just used to seeing advertisements for nine-nine cent and dollar ninety-nine patterns in the Joann’s mailings that I just assumed they weren’t very much money. Oh well, the pattern also came with instructions for both short and long sleeved shirts, ties and bowties. I’m sure I can get a few more uses out of it. Perhaps I can even alter the vest pattern for my size.

So I eventually finished the vest in a record setting six hours. And by finished, I mean it is sewed together. The buttons will wait for another day, along with their coinciding holes. Lessons learned: Cutting fabric out on carpet is stupid and I should have just banished all the animals from the kitchen and used the vinyl floor; my slip-stitch has improved immensely to the point where I may even hand stitch my next binding; I hate satin.